


Avenger's Feud

by aceschwarz222



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers Family, Avengers Tower, Awesome Clint Barton, Based on a Tumblr Post, Domestic Avengers, Family Feud - Freeform, Fluff, Game Shows, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, Parent Tony Stark, Precious Peter Parker, Ridiculous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-11-12 04:58:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18004220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aceschwarz222/pseuds/aceschwarz222
Summary: When Pepper Potts decides the Avengers need a little good publicity, a friendly game of Family Feud (Avenger's style) seems like the perfect idea. What could possibly go wrong?The answer: A lot. A lot could go wrong.





	Avenger's Feud

**Author's Note:**

> I write a lot of goofy fics, but this one made me snort as I wrote it. I really, really hope it brightens your day and makes you laugh too! 
> 
> Major shout out to starksquill on Tumblr for coming up with these pairings and for giving me permission to write the fic! Check out this link for the full post: https://starksquill.tumblr.com/post/174113102899/the-avengers-on-celebrity-family-feud 
> 
> P.S. Just for context's sake, people know Peter an the intern, and it happens after IW since Doctor Strange is included in this.

It was all Pepper’s fault really. 

She had mentioned in passing that it would be nice for the Avengers to do a fun video or something to improve their image. Since Tony never liked being told what to do, he passed the task onto Peter. He figured it was good for the kid to put his “internship” skills to good use.

Tony should have known better.

He should have accounted for Peter’s ability to get him and the other superheroes into the most ridiculous situations. He should have accounted for the endless hours of YouTube Peter and his friends watched. He should have accounted for a lot of things, and yet, despite being a genius, he did not.

Which is why he found himself standing in the living room with the other Avengers and a few extra people. Peter had converted it into an decent replica of the Family Feud game set with two long podiums across from each other and a smaller one in between them. Clint was marginally dressed up, wearing a t-shirt with no holes and his hair spiked up in a sort of stylish way that made him look like he hadn’t just rolled out of bed. He tapped his cue cards against the smallest podium and let out a few quick breaths.

Tony, Rhodey, Sam, Bucky, and Steve stood behind one podium while Bruce, Peter, Thor, Nat, and Doctor Strange stood behind the other. They all wore ridiculously large name tags over their chests, and Peter and Thor were the only ones who looked happy to be there.

“Do we really have to do this?” Tony whined.

“Yes!” Peter, Ned, and MJ exclaimed. Ned was busy setting up the projector and computer while MJ finished coding the drones that would hold the video cameras.

“Shouldn’t Peter be hosting?” Nat asked wryly. “I’m not so sure we can trust Clint.”

“Absolutely not!” Sam yelped. “There’s no telling what’s going to come out of his mouth! The kid’s better off with you.”

“And we can trust Clint?” Nat said back.

Clint gasped and clutched a hand to his chest. “I’m offended that you think I can’t handle this responsibility.”

“You can’t handle any responsibility,” she pointed out. Clint mimed zipping his lips and then went back to reviewing his notes.

Strange, meanwhile, looked murderous. “Just to be clear, Mr. Parker, improving the Avenger’s image does not constitute an emergency. You’re lucky I don’t leave right now.”

“You can’t leave!” Peter pleaded. “Our teams would be uneven! And besides, you know you secretly like us.”

“That’s stretching it,” Strange muttered.

“Okay!” Ned said cheerfully. “We’ve got the cameras all set up, and we go live in ten seconds!”

“Remember,” Peter said calmly, “this is to help your image. Keep it PG, okay?”

The others all grumbled, but as soon as MJ gave them a thumbs up, they all plastered their usual PR smiles on their faces. Clint especially turned on the charm as the drones buzzed in the air, carrying the cameras with them.

“Hello Interwebers!” he exclaimed with the enthusiasm of a new puppy. He tried to step out behind the podium, but his foot caught and he nearly face planted, causing the others to groan. “Welcome to a special edition of Avengers Feud! We are here with some of America’s mightiest heroes, and one lame intern-”

“Hey!” Peter protested, turning scarlet. “Rude!”

“-and we’re going to play Family Feud. But, you know, Avengers style!”

“You already said that!” Ned whisper-shouted.

Bucky put his head in his hands. “Good lord, kill me now.”

Clint, however, was unfazed. “So, because we’re lazy, and a certain CEO is slightly worried about what we might say the longer we’re on the air, we’ve adapted this game. Instead of playing full rounds, each team will send one person up to try and guess the most popular answer from a question. Our lame intern-”

“Dude!” Peter said through gritted teeth. “Seriously?!”

“-polled his nerdy friends at his local high school.” Clint lowered his voice and cupped one hand around his mouth. “I’m not 100% sure how he managed to find 100 friends, but supposedly he did-”

“Clint, I swear to god-”

“-and the person who gets the highest answer will win ten points! Ready to play?”

Rhodey put up a hand. “Hang on a second! How do we know Parker didn’t cheat and look at the answers?”

All eyes turned to Peter. “I, uh, sent out a Google Form through a QR code,” Peter explained. “And all of the results were extrapolated to MJ’s-”

“Yeah, I have no idea what half of those words mean,” Clint snorted. “But because it’s Peter, the least troublesome kid we know, we’re gonna trust him on this, okay?”

Rhodey held two fingers up to his eyes and gave Peter the “I’m watching you” hand gesture. To his credit, the teen just stuck his tongue out in protest, which earned a lot of hearts on the live video because of how adorable Peter was on camera.

Clint clapped his hands together and waved at the podium. “Okay, it’s time to get started! Team 1, send up your first victim!” Sam sighed and slowly walked up to the left side. “Team 2, your turn!” Despite there being no live audience, Bruce glanced out towards Ned and MJ warily as he stepped across from Sam. Clint placed a bell in the middle of the podium and cleared his throat.

“Are you ready?” he asked dramatically. Without waiting for a response, he continued. “Name something a burglar wouldn’t want to see when he breaks into a house.”

Sam didn’t hesitate, and he slammed his hand on top of the bell with such a massive force that it shook the whole podium. “NAKED GRANDMA!” he shouted, his competitive nature taking over. Tony banged his head down on his podium, and Steve blushed so much that you would have thought steam was coming out of his ears. The other team, meanwhile, was howling with laughter.

Clint blinked at him, completely confused. “Naked what?”

Bruce shrugged. “I mean, I wouldn’t want to see that either.”

“No one does,” Clint replied slowly. “It’s just an oddly specific answer.” He shook his head and pointed at the screen behind him. “Show us, uh, naked grandma?”

Everyone stared at the ten spots on the board, completely expecting to see a big, red X slash through the screen. Much to everyone’s surprise, the fourth answer turned over to reveal “Occupant,” and Sam’s team cheered in disbelief.

“Uh huh, that’s what I’m talking about!” Sam gloated at Bruce.

Clint held the card up to his face in disbelief before shaking his head and turning his attention back to Bruce. “Okay, Brucie Bear,” he said. “Your turn. Name something a burglar wouldn’t want to see when he breaks into a house.”

“The police?” Bruce asked as if it were obvious.

Clint waved his card at Bruce. “Now _ that’s _ a logical answer. Show me the police!”

Sure enough, the number one spot flipped to reveal Bruce’s answer. Peter and Thor cheered the loudest while Nat and Strange breathed a sigh of relief.

“And the ten points goes to Team 2!” Clint exclaimed. Ned tapped away on his laptop, and the game board briefly disappeared to show a score of 0-10. “Next two people, let’s go!” Clint shouted.

Thor and Steve stepped up and waited patiently for Clint to read the next question.

Clint drummed his hands against the podium. “Okay, name something you might buy that could turn out to be phony.”

Thor banged his hand down, smashing the bell to pieces. “A horse!”

Clint stared at the broken bell in horror. “Aww, bell no-wait, what did you say?” He wrinkled his nose in confusion.

“A horse,” Thor repeated with a bright smile. “I speak from experience,” he explained, turning the face the imaginary audience. “My brother enjoyed his fair share of mischief in our youth.”

“Thor!” Peter yelped. “You’re supposed to think of Midgard answers!”

“Do horses not exist on Midgard?” Thor asked. “I thought they did.”

“Thor, people don’t normally sell fake horses,” Tony chuckled.

“Well how do you know?”

Tony blinked. “What?”

“How do you know?”

“Because...they’re horses,” Tony said slowly.

“Oh my god,” Clint muttered. “Cap, tell me you’ve got something here.”

“You’ve gotta see if it’s on the board!” MJ called out.

“Kid, there is no way in hell that answer is on the board,” Clint laughed. MJ’s glare was enough to freeze Clint in place. “Checking the board!” Sure enough, the red X of doom blared loudly across the screen. “Okay, Cap,” Clint said, giving MJ a self-satisfied smile, “name something you might buy that could turn out to be phony.”

Steve reached out and tapped what remained of the bell. “A painting?” Everyone waited with baited breath until the second answer was revealed.

“And Team 1 gets the points!” Clint cheered. “Alright, people, you know the drill!”

Bucky pretended to stare Peter down as he stepped up to the podium, but the teen merely puffed his chest and nodded defiantly.

“Here we go,” Clint said. “Real or fiction, name a famous Willy.”

Bucky was lightning fast, but since there was no longer a bell, he settled for slamming his metal fist against the podium, cracking it in half. “Whoops,” he said guilty, looking at the splintered wood.

“Is that your answer?” Clint smirked.

“What? No!” Bucky blushed. “Uh, Willy the Pooh!” Peter laughed so hard he snorted, and Bucky bopped him on the head.

“Bucky,” Steve said sympathetically. “Close, but no.” MJ didn’t even wait for Clint before blasting the X on the scoreboard.

“Alright pipsqueak,” Clint said. “Your turn.”

Peter grinned mischievously. “You guys remember that old movie,  Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory? ”

Rhodey, Tony, Clint, Bruce, and Nat all rolled their eyes at Peter’s implication about the age of the movie, but sure enough, Willy Wonka was third on the list. The score was now 10-20.

“C’mon, Doctor Strange!” Peter called.

Strange trudged his way up to the splintered mess of a podium and sighed. “Let’s get this over with, Colonel.” Rhodey nodded confidently as he squared off against the doctor.

Clint cleared his throat. “During what month of pregnancy does the woman start to show?” Since there was no bell and no podium, Strange and Rhodey settled for smacking the top of Clint’s head. The archer let out a howl of pain as Strange’s hand made it first.

“September!” Strange said smugly. He tugged a bit on his cloak and when he made eye contact with Clint, realization sunk in.

“Dude…” Peter whispered.

Strange let out a strangled moan. “I’m an idiot!”

Clint snickered. “Aren’t you a doctor?” That earned him another whack. “You know what?” Clint seethed. “Just for that, Rhodey doesn’t have to give an answer. Ten points goes to Team 1! Nat, Tony, get up here!”

“Nice going,  _ Doctor _ Strange,” Tony taunted. “We’re all tied up now!”

“Zip it, Stark.”

“Okay, Tony, I’ve gotta admit,” Clint said, “Nat might have this one in the bag.” He paused before reading the question. “Name something Russia is famous for.”

Nat smacked Clint’s head first, much to no one’s surprise (and much to his dismay). “Russians,” she said calmly.

Silence.

“Well,” Bucky said after a few moments. “She’s not...wrong…”

Clint looked at Nat as if she had betrayed him. “I was rooting for you!” he wailed dramatically. “We were all rooting for you!”

“CLINT!” everyone shouted.

“Alright, alright!” Clint mumbled. “Show me Russians!”

Everyone except Nat’s jaws dropped as Russians was revealed to be the number one answer choice.

“Gen Z humor,” Ned explained sagely. “Midtown students are full of it.”

“Son of a-” Tony started to say.

“Language!” Steve warned.

“And we’re back to the top of the batting order with a score of 20-30,” Clint said, still dumbfounded. “This game can’t get any weirder.”

But, in fact, it could.

Bruce and Sam faced off once again, both of them feeling a little more confident the second time around.

“You’re going down this time,” Sam threatened good-naturedly. Bruce merely put his hands together and rested them against his lips.

“Here,” MJ said, tossing a spare bell to Clint.

He looked down at the shiny metal incredulously. “Where was this two rounds ago?!” he yelped.

MJ shrugged. “Our views skyrocketed once they started hitting you.”

“Rude!”

“Hey, it’s showbiz,” MJ replied.

Clint stuck his tongue out at the camera. “Whatever, you heathens.” He turned his attention back to Bruce and Sam before gently placing the bell on the one solid surface of the podium that was still standing. “Name a yellow fruit.”

Bruce hit the bell (carefully) first. He glanced down at his hand as if he couldn’t believe he had just done that. “Orange!” he exclaimed in a rush.

Ned played a loop of crickets chirping as the others stared at Bruce in absolute disbelief. Bruce, shoved his hands over his face and bent down.

“I panicked!” he yelled at himself.

Thor banged on his podium joyfully. “HA! WHERE ARE YOUR SEVEN PHDS NOW BANNER?!”

Peter jabbed his elbow into Thor’s side. “Dude! We’re on the same team!”

Thor merely shrugged. “Whatever.”

Nat narrowed her eyes. “It’s not whatever, Thor!”

“Getting back to the point,” Clint interrupted. “Show me orange!”

“Please don’t,” Bruce sighed.

And, of course, Bruce’s answer wasn’t on the scoreboard.

“Banana,” Sam said immediately after. “Show me banana, baby!”

Banana was revealed to be number 1, and Clint clapped. “There we go! Some reasoning from the Avengers!”

“Shut up, Clint,” Bruce shot back.

Clint checked the blank space on his wrist and gasped. “Would you look at that!” he gasped. “We’re almost out of time! For our final match up, we’re going to have-”

“Hang on!” Ned and MJ interrupted. Clint snapped his mouth closed and looked at them expectantly.

“The viewers want Tony and Peter to be the tiebreaker round,” Ned said, glancing at his computer screen.

“Intern versus mentor,” MJ said.

“Old versus young,” Ned added.

“New versus-”

“Yeah, we get it,” Tony said, waving his hand. “C’mon, kid, let’s get this over with.”

Peter practically vibrated with excitement as he stood across from Tony. “You’re going down, Mr. Stark,” he threatened playfully.

“You wish, kid,” Tony shot back. “Hit us, Clint!”

Clint, taking full advantage of the situation, lightly smacked Tony’s shoulder, earning a glacial glare. “Hey, man, you said it, not me,” Clint defended, holding up his hands.

“Clint…”

“Right, moving on.” He glanced at the card, and bit his lip as he read the next statement. When he looked up at MJ and Ned, they were grinning at him and wiggling their eyebrows. Clint shook his head, praying for the best.

“For the tiebreaker,” he said dramatically, “Name something you pull out.”

Peter wasted no time in hitting the bell, and as soon as he did, his face blushed red. He opened and closed his mouth, trying to think of a word,  _ any _ other word to come to his brain than the one that was already there, but he failed miserably. The entire room waited expectantly for him to answer, and he took a deep breath as he accepted his fate.

“Your, uh, penis?” he asked nervously.

Tony blinked once, twice, then three times as MJ and Ned erupted into laughter on the other side of the room. Steve, Nat and Bucky’s jaws dropped practically to the floor, while Bruce choked on his own spit. Sam and Rhodey banged on their podium while their shoulders trembled as they held back their own laughter. Strange, meanwhile, stared into one of the camera drones that had buzzed near his face as if he were on an episode of The Office, and he desperately wanted to escape.

“PETER!” Tony finally shouted. “What the actual HELL?!”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Stark!” Peter yelped. “It just...it just…”

“Pulled out?” Clint supplied helpfully, earning him a massive smack from Tony.

The room erupted into chaos as the merits of Peter’s sex education classes were called into question. Half of the room was rolling over in laughter while the other half was still staring at the teen in disbelief as they bellowed at him.

MJ quickly stepped in front of the camera and waved. “Thanks for joining us for a special edition of Avenger’s Feud!” she yelled cheerfully over the noise. “Join us next time for more fun! And remember, kids, the Internet lasts forever!”

She made a slashing motion across her neck, and Ned cut the feed.

Ned whistled and shook his head as the comments, emojis and hearts kept rolling in on their post. “Ms. Potts is going to kill us for this!”

MJ grinned maniacally at the scene in front of her.

“It was totally worth it, dude.”


End file.
